The world is in an incredible state of upheaval right now and my marriage Insta feed is pretty flooded with stuff about sex right now.
Sure, go for it. If you’re quarantined with each other and you can make love multiple times a day, try new positions and take your sex life to whole new levels then, absolutely, you should!
But lots of change, close quarters, kids at home, teenagers up until all hours, less money, the fear that is almost palpable at times and so much extra stress?? This can spell disconnection, distance or disaster for your marriage if you don’t approach it in a healthy way.
But, there’s a hidden opportunity here too. To be closer than ever. To take the extra time and the close confines of your home to draw closer, talk more, enjoy one another and truly connect.
Here are a few thoughts on actually drawing closer to each other during the crazy COVID-19 time:
1. Take the extra time to talk
Our communication needs to be at an all-time high. Who’s looking after the kids tomorrow? Who’s cooking dinner this week? Who’s checking in on the parents? How are we going to pay the rent or mortgage for the next few months? When can we have sex? Can we do a home date night? Please??
Take more time to talk things out. Sit on the lounge together every day and help each other process what’s happening and how you as a couple or family can deal with it. Talk about money, schedules, work, your own feelings or fears, your sex life, changes in expectations, your spiritual life right now, etc.
Talk about how you can help each other. How can you love, serve, sacrifice and expend yourself to benefit your spouse? How can you create some time for her to read or journal? How can you create some time for him to do a workout or his favourite hobby?
Make time. Talk it out. Get on the same page.
2. Have grace, show kindness
We’ve discovered already that almost nothing goes to plan. And that creates frustrations and causes extra pressure and angst. The fear that’s surrounding the world is affecting our kids and we’re all a little on edge. What we need right now, especially in our homes is grace and kindness.
Grace is when I overlook something that I could be offended with or hurt by. Grace is when I treat someone better than they deserve.
Kindness is an act of love or generosity that blesses another human. Often it’s random or unexpected coming out of the blue and surprising the recipient with genuine love.
On one hand, we have the fear culture that’s everywhere… but on the other hand, there’s a rising tide of kindness. Random, planned, inexpensive and extravagant kindness.
So overlook it when your spouse or child takes a tone with you, gets frustrated quickly or lashes out. Be kind. Forgive. Communicate with them with warmth and affection instead.
3. Use the opportunity to connect
Quarantined and social distancing doesn’t have to equal loneliness. You can be lonely in your marriage too. Use the time to connect. To talk. To ask questions, have coffee, to focus on each other and do stuff you enjoy. Reintroduce play into your relationship. Be friends. Have fun. Enjoy the presence of your spouse in your confined space and appreciate the extra time you have to connect and laugh, watch Netflix together and even make love.
4. Think like a team
In all the challenges and schedule shifts, money upheaval and kids at home you need to think, more than ever, like a team. This means considering the bigger picture, giving and taking, brainstorming and playing your part. Sometimes this means taking on more responsibility and doing extra to make it all work. Do it as your part of this team that makes the home and marriage, family and life work for you.
Get closer during COVID-19. It’s an opportunity to draw together as a couple and a family and rekindle some lost affection, put a spark back into your love and appreciate your family in a fresh new way.