Why being grateful is the antidote to comparing your spouse to others and how to make it a habit.
Comparison is a trap that can be hard to escape from. Opportunities to compare are everywhere. See my previous post on comparison.
The more you compare, the worse it gets. Your view of your spouse gets less and less and you start to think things that aren’t even true anymore. They aren’t trying. I could do better. This isn’t working. This might never work.
Constant comparison is dangerous to the future of your intimacy and your relationship.
Gratefulness is the hack you need. The antidote to comparison is gratefulness. Appreciation. Being thankful instead.
Here’s what being grateful does in the moment. It helps you switch gears in your mind from everything you’re not receiving or experiencing to everything you ARE. It’s a game-changing mind shift. It’s a necessary brain pathway you need to create if it’s not already there.
And whenever you’re tempted to compare your spouse to someone else, that’s your reminder to be grateful instead.
How does this work in real time?
You are tempted to compare. A gorgeous hunk of a man walks past. A woman who has been really kind and generous to you lately walks into your office. You have the opportunity to compare them with your spouse. You begin to think of things they offer that your spouse doesn’t. But, you decide to switch gears. Instead of thinking about how your spouse doesn’t meet their level, you choose to think about something you really appreciate about your spouse. Something that person probably doesn’t have.
Consider the life you’ve already created with them. Remember the fun you’ve had, the great laughs, the amazing sex, the little things he/she does that makes you feel happy and blessed.
What is the one thing you are most grateful for?
Slight sidebar: When you are frustrated, unhappy, disconnected and finding it hard to be grateful for anything, you absolutely must talk to your spouse about it. Check out my post here on how to have a serious talk. I also unpack this much more in my book.
Appreciation is the antidote to comparison.
Enough gratefulness and you wont feel the need to compare.
Enough gratefulness and you’ll have such a store of things you’re thankful for, no one else could measure up!
Choose to be grateful. It works.