We Process Differently (and that’s ok)

How to navigate different processing styles and speeds in your marriage.


When we first got married, whenever we would have a fight, I would want to talk about it immediately. Straight away I’d want to sit down, talk it out, work it out and move on as quick as possible. This did not work for Beck at all. She wasn’t able to do this. She couldn’t talk about it yet and, for a few days, she would brood and be distant. To me, it felt like punishment. Later on, I realised that was never her intention but at the time, it was really hard!

Even I was hurting, I’d still want to talk it out. If Beck was hurting, she couldn’t. It would frustrate the life out of me. Why couldn’t we just get it all out into the open, apologise, commit to doing better and move on in our marriage?

It just didn’t make sense to me.

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Simply Enjoy Who You Have

Why you should just enjoy your spouse and what you’ve already created together You can’t enjoy your spouse when you’re in the comparison zone. If you’ve started down the comparison rabbit hole you’re already missing out.  You’re failing spectacularly by missing out on enjoying who your spouse is and what you’ve created and established with

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The Gratefulness Marriage Hack

Why being grateful is the antidote to comparing your spouse to others and how to make it a habit. Comparison is a trap that can be hard to escape from.  Opportunities to compare are everywhere. See my previous post on comparison.  The more you compare, the worse it gets.  Your view of your spouse gets

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The Danger of Comparing Your Spouse

Opportunity for comparison is everywhere. Almost everywhere you look is an opportunity to compare your spouse with someone else. Someone else’s body. Someone’s relational warmth. Someone else’s smile, figure, income, humour, house, kindness… I could go on. We live in the day of social media blasting everyone’s highlight reel into our faces and minds every

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Have a Weekly Business Meeting

Why a 20-minute meeting can be a game-changer for your marriage Susan and Paul live in a continual state of mild overwhelm.  They have 3 young kids including one at school. Life before, during and after COVID has maintained their normal level of busy and tired. 2 of the kids play sport, one is already

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Connect First

WHY CONNECTING IS YOUR GREATEST STARTING POINT FOR BUILDING INTIMACY You come home from work and it’s your spouse’s day to cook dinner. It’s later than usual and dinner hasn’t been started. The TV is on in the lounge room and you can see the warm glow and some shoes as you walk through the

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Stop Keeping Score

HOW CONSTANTLY COMPARING YOUR LOVE IS PULLING YOU APART. AND HOW TO FIX IT. Keeping score sets you up to fail. Why? Because ultimately you’re looking for a reason to withhold. You’re looking for a measurement. A comparison. You’re weighing up whether your spouse has loved enough in order for you to love. And eventually,

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The Clarity Series #1 – This is Us

Discover your family values so you can live well, be unified and pass them on to your kids. I love the statement, “This is us.” Its bold, confident and shows the person has done an internal journey of discovering who they are and what they stand for. I don’t see arrogance as much as inner

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How to Navigate Change TOGETHER

Working out what the new world looks like as a team Life right now is changing. Schools are empty, homes are full and movement is restricted. Most workplaces are setting up their employees to work from home too. And, surrounding all of this is a climate of fear and a never-ending cycle of what seems

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How to Have an Important Conversation

How to have a conversation about something that matters A talk that moves us towards agreement is different to other conversations we might have. There’s the end of workday debrief. The making plans conversation. The times when you’re having fun connecting. The I’m-just-letting-you-know-because-this-will-impact-us-in-some-way chat. But let’s talk about a unity building chat. It might get

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