Artificial Peace or Healthy Conflict?

Why avoiding conflict to get ‘peace’ comes at the expense of intimacy. 4-minute read.


Emma and Peter have what seems to be a happy marriage. They never seem to fight, they have a tidy house, a couple of newish cars and their kids are pretty well behaved. On the surface, everything looks good. Other couples look at them and are pretty jealous. Some of Emma’s friends wish they could be in a perfect marriage like hers. She and Peter just seem so compatible that marriage and family seem effortless.

But what Emma and Peter present to the world isn’t exactly what is going on underneath. On the surface, everything seems great. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? There’s a lack of depth. Their relationship is too shallow, the love is a little forced and their level of emotional intimacy is low. Why? Because they have created a marriage where peace is the highest value. Not intimacy. Not closeness. Peace and calm.

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Six Types of Sex

Why having your own terminology for sex helps you build sexual intimacy in your marriage – 5 minute read Imagine being able to have a conversation about sex where you’re both easily and clearly able to ask for what you want. Sex conversations are always an emotionally charged issue even before you get started because

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When Your Marriage Feels One-Sided

Five things you can do right now to help move your marriage back towards togetherness – 6 minute read Kylie and James have been married for 7 years and their relationship has gone stale. They have a son who is 4. It’s become almost guaranteed that once Kylie gets home from work James will be

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Love Them Anyway (even when you’re not feeling it)

Why the decision to love no matter what is the biggest game-changer for your marriage. Imagine that it’s Friday night, your spouse has been disengaged lately, for what seems like way too long. They are in a funk and you’re not sure how long this is going to last. It seems like they aren’t trying

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The Five BIG Connection Killers

The glow of a perfect weekend away together feels amazing. We walk to the car hand-in-hand after enjoying some delicious food, glorious sex, loads of wonderful conversation and plenty of eye contact.  We feel more in love, more in tune, more loved and that we were enjoyed by our one and only. These are moments

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How to Forgive Your Spouse

A powerful decision that can truly change everything Ruth Bell Graham said, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” You don’t need to be married for long before you are given an opportunity to forgive your spouse for something. A reaction that was hurtful, an action that wasn’t loving, a disrespectful comment.

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We Process Differently (and that’s ok)

How to navigate different processing styles and speeds in your marriage. When we first got married, whenever we would have a fight, I would want to talk about it immediately. Straight away I’d want to sit down, talk it out, work it out and move on as quick as possible. This did not work for

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Simply Enjoy Who You Have

Why you should just enjoy your spouse and what you’ve already created together You can’t enjoy your spouse when you’re in the comparison zone. If you’ve started down the comparison rabbit hole you’re already missing out.  You’re failing spectacularly by missing out on enjoying who your spouse is and what you’ve created and established with

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The Gratefulness Marriage Hack

Why being grateful is the antidote to comparing your spouse to others and how to make it a habit. Comparison is a trap that can be hard to escape from.  Opportunities to compare are everywhere. See my previous post on comparison.  The more you compare, the worse it gets.  Your view of your spouse gets

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The Danger of Comparing Your Spouse

Opportunity for comparison is everywhere. Almost everywhere you look is an opportunity to compare your spouse with someone else. Someone else’s body. Someone’s relational warmth. Someone else’s smile, figure, income, humour, house, kindness… I could go on. We live in the day of social media blasting everyone’s highlight reel into our faces and minds every

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