The Danger of Not Prioritising Your Marriage
And how to take the first steps together to fix it.
3-minute read
A disconnected or unfulfilling marriage can be horrible. And yet so many couples exist just like that. They have drifted apart and allowed the mundane of life to get in the way of their deep connection.
And it can affect so many aspects of your life.... your home life, sense of unity and togetherness, your sex life, work performance, self-esteem, how you parent your kids and your overall level of personal buoyancy.
The good thing is that you can get it back. All of it, and more. You can still create the marriage you both want to be in.
Simply by making it a priority again.
Some horrible possibilities…
If you don't re-prioritise your marriage, any of these could be your reality:
Living disconnected and unfulfilled
Not feeling like you can resolve issues properly
Fear of conflict
Ongoing drift and distance in your hearts from one another
Separation and divorce
The last one is the true killer. Divorce destroys your family. It deeply damages both of you does significant harm to your kids and costs a LOT of money.
But the others are still pretty horrible! Imagine living disconnected or unfulfilled for 10-20 years. No one wants that.
So here's how to begin the process of making your marriage a priority in your life again. You ready?
Step 1 - Talk about the present
Talk about where your relationship and your life together is at right now. This is your starting point.
What is affecting your marriage from the outside? Consider things like your commitments, a busy season at work, sickness, family issues, side hustle, etc.
What is affecting your marriage from the inside? Think about things like distractions, technology use, issues you haven't dealt with together,
What is working well? What do you already know that works for you both?
How can you put more time and energy into those things?
Step 2 - Dream about the future
What do you want for your future together?
Talk about the quality of your relationship that you want and the goals you both want to achieve.
Consider that you have shared goals and individual goals too. That's a good thing. You want a healthy level of togetherness and separateness.
Is your current trajectory in life and marriage going to get you there? Be real.
If not, some things might need to change.
Step 3 - Brainstorm about the change
Get out a notepad, laptop or phone and start brainstorming all the things you can do to make each other a priority again.
Do it! Like... right now!
If you need some categories to consider, check these out...
Are we overcommitted? Do our commitments align with our values?
How much are our phones and technology interfering?
Do we spend enough quality time together?
How could date nights and daily debriefs work for us?
Do we make time for meaningful sex?
Step 4 - Implement at least one thing
Take your list and choose at least 1 thing to get to work on.
You might limit your phone use between 6-9pm or schedule a date night every 2nd Tuesday. Maybe you've gotten into some bad habits with Netflix at bedtime and your sex life has been suffering. Or you need a weekly business meeting to get across your calendar together.
Whatever you do, just ensure you implement at least ONE THING.
Go for it!
