Love Them Anyway (even when you’re not feeling it)

Why the decision to love no matter what is the biggest game-changer for your marriage.


Imagine that it’s Friday night, your spouse has been disengaged lately, for what seems like way too long. They are in a funk and you’re not sure how long this is going to last. It seems like they aren’t trying with you but clearly, something is wrong, but you don’t think it’s you. They sit on the lounge, on their phone. The TV is on but it’s muted. “You ok babe?”, you ask. “Yeah, just tired.” They seem down. Low. Maybe even depressed?

They aren’t responding to you as they normally would. You’re starting to get a red flag. You don’t feel like they are trying to connect. To engage with you. Something is up. And it could be one of many things. Or many of them.

What do you do if your spouse is in a funk? Or life keeps throwing you hard times? Maybe your spouse is disconnecting. Or you’re so damn tired from the past couple of crazy years and you feel like quitting out on your marriage because it’s getting so hard to carry. What is the BEST way to respond? What is the BEST thing we can do? (apart from getting some counselling)

Choosing to keep loving your spouse is one of the most powerful things you can do.

Read More

The Five BIG Connection Killers

The glow of a perfect weekend away together feels amazing. We walk to the car hand-in-hand after enjoying some delicious food, glorious sex, loads of wonderful conversation and plenty of eye contact.  We feel more in love, more in tune, more loved and that we were enjoyed by our one and only. These are moments

Read More

How to Forgive Your Spouse

A powerful decision that can truly change everything Ruth Bell Graham said, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” You don’t need to be married for long before you are given an opportunity to forgive your spouse for something. A reaction that was hurtful, an action that wasn’t loving, a disrespectful comment.

Read More

We Process Differently (and that’s ok)

How to navigate different processing styles and speeds in your marriage. When we first got married, whenever we would have a fight, I would want to talk about it immediately. Straight away I’d want to sit down, talk it out, work it out and move on as quick as possible. This did not work for

Read More

Simply Enjoy Who You Have

Why you should just enjoy your spouse and what you’ve already created together You can’t enjoy your spouse when you’re in the comparison zone. If you’ve started down the comparison rabbit hole you’re already missing out.  You’re failing spectacularly by missing out on enjoying who your spouse is and what you’ve created and established with

Read More

The Gratefulness Marriage Hack

Why being grateful is the antidote to comparing your spouse to others and how to make it a habit. Comparison is a trap that can be hard to escape from.  Opportunities to compare are everywhere. See my previous post on comparison.  The more you compare, the worse it gets.  Your view of your spouse gets

Read More

The Danger of Comparing Your Spouse

Opportunity for comparison is everywhere. Almost everywhere you look is an opportunity to compare your spouse with someone else. Someone else’s body. Someone’s relational warmth. Someone else’s smile, figure, income, humour, house, kindness… I could go on. We live in the day of social media blasting everyone’s highlight reel into our faces and minds every

Read More

Have a Weekly Business Meeting

Why a 20-minute meeting can be a game-changer for your marriage Susan and Paul live in a continual state of mild overwhelm.  They have 3 young kids including one at school. Life before, during and after COVID has maintained their normal level of busy and tired. 2 of the kids play sport, one is already

Read More

Connect First

WHY CONNECTING IS YOUR GREATEST STARTING POINT FOR BUILDING INTIMACY You come home from work and it’s your spouse’s day to cook dinner. It’s later than usual and dinner hasn’t been started. The TV is on in the lounge room and you can see the warm glow and some shoes as you walk through the

Read More

Stop Keeping Score

HOW CONSTANTLY COMPARING YOUR LOVE IS PULLING YOU APART. AND HOW TO FIX IT. Keeping score sets you up to fail. Why? Because ultimately you’re looking for a reason to withhold. You’re looking for a measurement. A comparison. You’re weighing up whether your spouse has loved enough in order for you to love. And eventually,

Read More